Be Careful Of Relationship Advice For Couples If You Want To Attract Women
Posted by Marc in attracting womenUsing advice is like taking medicine, take the wrong pill for what’s ailing you and you may find yourself worse off than before.
What I’m referring to is all of the relationship advice that’s available today. Trying to make sense of it all can make your head spin. If you’re trying to use this information for meeting and attracting women, you may be doing yourself more harm than good. Just because an article is about relating to women, it doesn’t mean that it will be useful to you.
You need to distinguish between advice for people who are already in a relationship and advice for attracting women. The two are completely different and they don’t mix very well.
Advice on improving your relationship with your spouse or girlfriend doesn’t work if you’re using it to attract women. This is because the woman that you’re trying to attract is a stranger. You have no relationship with her and she doesn’t know you from Adam.
You wouldn’t want to sing a love ballad to a total stranger or shower her with lots of love notes and chocolates. The love ballad thing might actually work if you’re doing it as a joke but if you’re seriously professing love, the reaction you get from her won’t be the one that you want. This is obvious to most people but there’s other advice that seems to make sense but still won’t work at attracting women.
Compliments are a good example of this. Some compliments are great conversation starters. If she has something on her person that you know something about, then by all means compliment her about it and follow it up with what you know. If you compliment her on her stunning beauty and go on and on about how beautiful she is, you will kill your chances at ever attracting her.
If she really is stunning, then she’s probably been complimented about it by plenty of men already. The compliment might annoy her or it might boost her ego. In either case, she won’t be drawn to you as the man of her dreams. This is because you’ve just shown that you’re no different from the other guys that have complimented her. So now you’re just part of the crowd.
Worst of all, you have deferred higher status to her. By making a big deal about her looks, you’ve just told her that you’re just an undeserving schmuck.
If she’s confident and smart but not that good looking, then she’ll see your flattery as phoney manipulation.
Other advice that works for a spouse or girlfriend but doesn’t work for attracting girls is being very thoughtful and nice. These qualities can strengthen a relationship that you already have but they won’t trigger the attraction of a woman that you don’t know.
Most guys that aren’t good at attraction resort to acting very nice and thoughtful. This works if you want to be liked by your friends. But it won’t make you sexually attractive to her. It will just make you her friend.
Why doesn’t ‘nice’ work? Like I mentioned before it’s a strategy for making a friend not for finding a lover. Obviously the two are completely different propositions.
A friend is a person you can be relaxed around and kill time with. A lover is a mate. The demands and rewards of having a mate are much greater. Because more is at stake, the selection process for a mate is more demanding than that of a friend.
What are these extra demands? Sex appeal is one. There are a number of male traits that women are sexually attracted to. A woman also expects a man to bring excitement into her life.
Being overly nice means that you won’t be much of a challenge for her. Right from the get-go you’re telling her that there’s no uncertainty with getting you. You’re easy. Anything that’s easy or free to get has no value.
Tags: attract girls, how to attract a girl, how to attract women
Entries (RSS)
i am 23 aged and i am not soo bad looking i am lil bit fair 6.2 height and some good looking
but i still dont have a girl frnd ……… actually i dont know how to approch them and talk to them can u kindly help me how to talk to a girl for the 1st time …
Hi. As far as appearance goes, you’ve got nothing to worry about. Women are attracted to tall men and 6.2 is a good height. Your height will work to your advantage if the girl is shorter than you. You should wear new, stylish clothing that fits well. The way to learn how to approach them is to try it slowly at first in small steps. You will need to get comfortable with starting a conversation so you should practice with women you would normally talk to anyway such as a waitress taking your order or the girl bagging your groceries at a store. etc. Make sure that what you’re talking about is appropriate for the situation. If your first try goes awkwardly, don’t worry. Here is some more reading for you: nine-tips-on-attracting-women, how-to-start-a-conversation-with-a-girl-part-1, and how-to-start-a-conversation-with-a-girl-part-2
Very very very good advice Marc!
I’m a female and I love what you’ve said in here. It was what a friend of mine was doing for two years which got him squarely in the friend zone, (and not to mention I was already with someone else). What got me to change my mind about him, was my ex being an idiot and getting on my nerves more than half the time. My friend didn’t quite change his tactics, but I became immensely attracted to him and ended up actively pursuing him and dumping my ex. I succeeded in getting him, though one might argue that he was already open to the idea of having me from the get go.
Don’t quite know how often my situation happens though.
I’ve heard similar such advice:
1. Girls like tall guys. FALSE. Not true at all. I’m six foot seven, and girls don’t like me. I’ve been told I’m too tall, I’m intimidating (I honestly don’t see how, I’m a teddy bear.), etc.
2. Girls like nice guys. FALSE. Not true at all. I’m a nice guy. I’m chivalric, and gentlemanly, and that also seems to scare girls. From what I observe in my daily routine, girls like assholes who beat them and mistreat them and make them feel like crap. This does not make sense to me. I would think that a girl would want a guy who loves them not for their body, but for their mind, their personality. I would think that a girl would want a guy who treats them with respect, and love, and who is a warm thoughtful person. Apparently I’m too old-fashioned for my generation; and I’m almost 25.
3. Girls like guys who have a personality / sense of humor. FALSE. Not true at all. See #2. I have a great sense of humor, and I’m not a complete dullard. I don’t know a lot of things about a lot of things, and know nothing about more things, but I have a good head on my shoulders. Girls rarely get a chance to see this because they see #1 and #2 before they get to this point, and by this time, they don’t even want to give me a chance.
I’m almost 25 years old.
I’m tall, and wear glasses.
I keep myself in general good appearance. (Clean clothes, etc.)
I’ve never been on a date.
I’ve never had a girlfriend.
I’ve never even kissed a girl.
The only rule I have ever found to be 100% true is:
Nice guys always finish last.
Since I can’t live with myself being an asshole, I guess I’ll stay nice, and be lonely my whole life.
@Astarte45 – Your story happens a lot in the movies though
Pete – The source of your difficulties is that your greatest asset is working against you rather than for you. What I’m talking about is that good head on your shoulders. Did you know that there are extremely attractive men who are older than you who have never been on a date? A friend of mine (who is now married) was dateless well into his twenties but was always getting lots of looks from the women around him. His problem wasn’t that women were intimidated by his good looks. His problem was that he was shy around girls and was clueless about what to say or how to act. There are plenty of very tall men with hearts of gold who have girlfriends or are married. My brother is almost your height, is easy going and laid back and has a wife and two kids.
What you need to do is:
1.) Dump the baggage. This isn’t easy to do since old belief systems and patterns of thinking and feelings about a problem get firmly entrenched in the mind. But they have to go. That is what will keep a person alone or stuck at some glass ceiling in his career or whatever else his particular challenge may be. That is what will most likely cause you to reject what I am saying here. Psychologists say that people only seek information that reinforce their current beliefs. Anything contrary to that gets filtered out. That’s the reason why crazy conspiracy people stick to their nutty theories in spite of the overwhelming evidence against their beliefs. Anyway, true change rarely happens but it must if you want to get what you want.
2.) Seek information.
3) USE that information. This takes energy on your part. It means experiencing pain, awkwardness, and rejection. Rather than forming generalizations about the world from your bad experiences, you need to put on your problem solving hat and try to work out what went wrong. Perhaps the information you were using doesn’t quite fit your case so you will have to use some ingenuity and modify it. People who seem to effortlessly interact with the opposite sex didn’t get that way in a vacuum. Many have been at it since puberty. An enormous amount of personal energy and time is put into this during their youth. That’s why many of the most socially successful people in high school don’t get the highest grades. There just isn’t much time or energy left for them to study. Of course, socializing is more enjoyable as well.
4.) Fail and try again. Why is this important? Because you won’t hone in on what works for you without some feedback from the real world.
Do girls like guys who are six foot seven? According to this thread, some do and some don’t. Do girls like really hairy guys? Answer: Some do and some don’t. Do girls like rugged looking guys? Answer: Some do and some don’t. What about muscle bound guys?-Some do and some don’t.
Do nice guys come in last? Answer: They often do but not for the reason you gave in your comment. The good qualities that you say you have are perfect once you are ALREADY in a relationship. But you have to attract a woman first before you can have a relationship. Women go for guys that they perceive as being masculine. Don’t blame women for wanting masculine men. You can blame millions of years of evolution for that. Being nice is not considered a masculine trait. Why didn’t didn’t evolution cause female arousal to be triggered by niceness? Nice won’t protect your mate against a hungry predator or from a rival tribe member that wants to take her from you. Nice won’t protect your off-spring from the countless threats of a hostile environment. Nice isn’t going to convince that antelope to drop dead so that your family can start eating again. The arousal that a woman feels when she first meets an attractive man (attractive as in being masculine – not the same as good looking) is something that is immediate. It just happens to her. It is wired into her brain. This reaction is similar to a man experiencing immediate arousal when he encounters an extremely attractive woman. His thinking brain has little to do with this reaction. Attraction is a superficial thing but it has worked well enough from an evolutionary stand point. Sometimes women mistake the asshole as being masculine. The smarter women don’t.
What does this mean for you? You will have to brush up on projecting masculinity. Your gift of above average height is a good start. Size implies physical power (a very masculine thing). Not all women are intimidated by this. Some love the feeling of being protected that this attribute conveys. Your height projects this in spades. Confidence is another masculine trait that can be learned. Independence is another. Taking charge and knowing what to do is another. Your choice of dress exerts a strong influence as well. There are a lot of traits that are considered masculine. Look them up and choose those that you mostly have already and emphasize them. One thing you should develop though is a sense of confidence. If you have a very low voice, count that as a feather in your cap.
If you think your glasses are a problem then…take them off. Get contacts. You don’t have to wear them all of the time, just when you’re trying to attract the ladies. Problems of all kinds can be solved if you have a flexible mind and are willing to adapt and overcome. There is nothing wrong with being a complex person with many sides. A warm and caring nice person inside can also be a masculine and dominant male as well. Your own intelligence makes this possible.
@Marc’s reply above me:
Aye about the psychologists -its called the ‘self fulfilling prophecy’
Example from wisegeek.com
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-self-fulfilling-prophecy.htm
The self-fulfilling prophecy is a statement that alters actions and therefore comes true. For example, a person stating “I’m probably going to have a lousy day,” might alter his actions so that such a prediction is fulfilled by his actions. This may be an unconscious gesture. A person who might espouse a self-fulfilling prophecy in a positive way “I’m going to have a great day,” might act in ways that will actually make this prediction true.
___________________________________________________________________________________
I love a man with glasses… IF it fits them well and suits them. Glasses help men exude dignity and intelligence, for girls who like that sort of look (like me!)
And there’s a good point about a nice and caring man who can also stand and fight for the girl. The guy I’m dating now is a VERY nice guy, but is also masculine and will wield one of his many swords/scimitar/daggers/his fists and fight for me/his family and friends or himself in a heartbeat. That sort of knowledge that he can and will do so, as well as his masculinity and sense of humour while being such a great person is what makes him incredibly attractive.
I think one part of being masculine is the exuding a type of sexuality as well. When my interest in him as a partner grew, I began to see that he was keeping himself in check. While it was very subtle, I appreciated that he found me attractive, and respected me enough to keep his hands to himself for the longest time ( nearly 2 years), and never touched me without my consent.
@Astarte45 – Yes. Where a person ends up in life is decided by the thousands upon thousands of decisions both large and small that he makes in his lifetime. Those decisions are heavily influenced by his beliefs about himself and the world around him. Your beliefs are like a compass heading that guide you through life.
Hi Marc. I’m not tall (5′ 7”) and I tried being the asshole type but it just feels wrong. I often get compliments on my attire, and sense of humor, but not on my looks. When I do get compliments on my looks, I understand it as a nice gesture. I will be called handsome, charming, and even sexy, but I’ll take them all in a friendly way and can never accept is as it’s said. I’ve had two girlfriends and I’m in my early 20′s now, but both of them made the first move. Any advice?
@Isaac – By the way you disregard compliments, I would say that you have a self esteem issue. The only time I disregard a compliment is when the person saying it is clearly trying to manipulate me such as the compliments given to me by a car salesman. Perhaps I would also disregard compliments where the situation requires one. If you get a compliment out of the blue and the person isn’t saying it in a mechanical way, then it is real. I tend to devalue compliments from those who give them too freely and place a lot of value in compliments from those who don’t normally give them. Imagine yourself being genuinely moved to compliment someone, you would have to think highly of this person. The same goes for others who are genuinely motivated to compliment you.
With respect to attraction to the opposite sex, women judge the complete package. This means a guy’s behavior, dress, looks, and overall size. We as men place a greater emphasis on a women’s looks. So your mistake is in assuming that women judge us in the same way that we judge them. While they do like good looks in a man, it doesn’t have the same importance. It seems that you have what takes, so believe in yourself. Work on your confidence. Get more experience at making the first move on women. Get to know rejection and learn to shrug it off and move on. Learn how to take charge. You’ve been called handsome, charming, and sexy. Girls telling you this are judging the complete package. Believe this.