The first kiss can be an big stumbling block for a lot of men. If you’re on a date, it’s expected. On the other hand the lady that you’re dating has never been kissed by you before.
How will she react? Will she pull away? Maybe she’ll think that you’re coming on too strong and you’ll scare her away. These and other similar thoughts are very common.
Some guys will opt for not dealing with the issue at all and won’t make any attempt. Others will ask for permission. Both are mistakes for two reasons:
1.) You’re hurting yourself because you’re telling her that you lack backbone. This is a big turn off for many women.
2.) You’re hurting her because you’re depriving her of her big romantic moment. This is when the strong confident man takes charge and sweeps her off her feet. The confident man doesn’t ask for permission, he takes control.
If you’ve ever peaked inside of those romantic novels that some women read, the first kiss is a really big deal. Romantic novels are popular with women for good reason.
Anticipation, tension, the back and forth progression toward the inevitable act that changes two strangers into…lovers. This is the stuff of female fantasy. If she’s into you, this is what she wants you to do. She wants you to take her and kiss her.
Note the key phrase: ‘if she’s into you’. If she detests you or if there’s just no chemistry, then kissing her is a mistake. So, how do you know if she wants to be kissed?
You should be looking for signs of attraction. These are revealed through conscious and subconscious signals. Look for these signs:
1.) Physical contact.
She initiates physical contact with you ‘accidentally’. This is a very strong indicator of interest. Some examples:
- Her hand brushes across your arm or hand.
- Her fingers slide across your hand when you hand something to her.
- Her nails rake across your palm when handing something to her.
- She finds an excuse to grasp your hand such as reading your palm.
- She stumbles and holds on to you for support.
2.) Eye contact.
-She locks eyes with you.
-You catch her stealing glances at you. She may hold eye contact or quickly look away when she knows she’s been caught.
-She explores your face with her eyes and spends time looking at your lips.
-Her pupils are dilated.
3.) Physical proximity.
She leans in close. Perhaps she does this when she asks you to check something on her menu. When you’re walking together, she walks well inside of your personal space.
4.) She plays with her hair.
5.) She may adjust your collar. This is a very strong sign. When she does this, she’s taking possession of you.
6.) When you’re making your move to kiss her, she may lick or part her lips and her breathing deepen.
If you’re getting signs from her but want to be even more certain, then you can start the kiss with some preliminaries. These would be softly touching her hair or taking her hand in yours and intently gazing into her eyes and on her lips. If she doesn’t pull away then she’s ready.
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Just gotta know, if she swallows alot, does that mean she wants to kiss. We were sitting in her car, so its quiet, and i can hear her swallowing often. Is there like some kind of saliva buildup when someone wants to kiss?
It could be a medical condition or she may be feeling nervous. If she only does this in the car with you it’s probably nervousness. Nervousness could mean that she’s anticipating being kissed. If you’re getting indications that she likes you, then take her hand first. If she pulls back, she doesn’t want to be kissed. If not, kiss her gently.
Whenever I’m at her door step she starts looking at her hands and began to ramble a lot. And i wonder to myself is she interested so should i kiss her hand, or go for the big one. Never had this problem with any other girl but her.
Hi, its kinda complicated. there is a girl who i really like a huge amount, she knows this, yet often she sits with me, resting her head on my shoulders and staring into my eyes. the other night we were at a sleepover with a few mates and me and her get an armchair together, we slept with our heads rested on eachother. things like this keep happening between us, kisses on cheek etc. but the thing is she knows i like her, so surely she would say something if she liked me? anyway, i was wondering if when she looks into my eyes i should go to kiss her? or wehter im getting the wrong signals here?
Hi. So she knows you like her and she still hangs around with you. That’s good. She hasn’t said anything. She may be waiting for you to make the first move. If you wait too long on this, she may start to lose interest. Think of it this way: you want the relationship to go to the next level. If you don’t make your feelings known, nothing will change. If she rejects you, you can move on. Nothing risked, nothing gained. Good luck.
a girl , she talks to me gently and never hurt me . i love her her movements say that she is in love with me
but she did not speak a word about love i just want to attract her move . she stares at my lips always and i smile i could’nt speak a word is she really want me to kiss her ?
i like a girl so much and i hope she also likes me . but she is married we have gone for a date also for few hours … i also told her that i like her or love her … earlier she called me a lot but after our dating she looses some interest …she not called me earlier which she used to do …. now she only messeges less than before… but tell me how i know that she is hoping some kiss or something … which i not do …. ialso gave her gifts … which she accepted … and one day i gave her fly kissto her whih she saw …. u tell me can i kiss her is there green signal for me … or she’s making mew folll…………
She is married. It isn’t worth your time pursuing her.
hi.i lyk a girl n so she does.v chat on msn n as well on msgs.i often meet her n vn she meets me she is so happy.i v evn proposed her bt she reject she says tht she lves me bt cant b vth me of sme reasons.she also doesnt want me 2 leave her nor i can do so.
Smetmes vn v sit 2egther on pc she sits so close to me the her laps touches my laps.many times i v softly touched her cheeks.smetmes she says dnt do sometmes she smils n say tht imnt ur gf
So gve me a tip 2kiss her n wt should i do
You can start the kiss with some preliminaries. These would be softly touching her hair or taking her hand in yours and intently gazing into her eyes and on her lips. If she doesn’t pull away then she’s ready.
well, i told this girl that i like her.. a lot. she said she kinda liked me. ok, so i was coming back from football practice, and she was walking alone, so i said “are you going home” she said yes, so i walked her home, talking about what was happening with us (this whole “liking” thing has been going on for about a month). so we got to her house, and she was locked-on staring at me. but i knew about the whole lip-licking thing and the dilated pupil thing, but she didn’t lick her lips, and her pupils weren’t big at all, so i gave her a hug… should i have kissed her? this was only last night, so i’m not really backtracking with our “thing” i’m guessing. btw, when i mean staring, i mean DEAD-LOCK staring lol.
Prolonged eye contact is a very good sign. A kiss would have worked but there is always the next time you’re together. The more you see each other, the more things naturally build up and expectations increase.
me and this girl go out, we will be sitting next to each other talking and laughin. I no she realy likes me but idk what she would do if were to just start passin signs. any help?
I’ve been her friend fro quiet a while. I like her and she says she likes me. we were on a date 2geda once and she showed only one of these signs. A dilated pupil. Should i have kissed her?
Things are very complicated by physical gestures it is difficult to determine whether she is interested or not .
@ teslad – You should have held her hand first. If she didn’t pull back, you could have kissed her.
hi “MARC” i want to ask you something but do reply my question please!! I like one girl who lives in front of my house we studied in a same school but we have’nt talked each other..She gives me smile & eye contact whenever i cross her by bike or by walking..But she’s in relationship with somebody else whose 4 to 5years older than her.please tell me do i ask her that i like her or what ?please do reply me please..
Her smiles and eye contact are an opportunity for you to have a normal conversation with her. Just make small talk. At this point you are being social and there’s nothing wrong with that. From there you will eventually find out if she’s attracted to you or if she just likes you as a friend. In either case, you come out ahead.
Heyy. I like this girl.. she likes me too. we cant date cos of sum problems.! I wanna kiss her. we like each ohter for more then 2 months now. She gave me a kiss on cheek the other day. Even i once gave her a kiss on cheek. we hang out daily 2gthr. She sometimes hug me n stand. allows me to put my hand around her waist everytym. HOW TO SHOW HER THAT I WANNA KISS HER OR HOW TO DO IT. CONFUSED. PLS HELP
You are there my friend. She’s attracted to you. She probably wants to kiss you as much as you want to kiss her. She wants to take the relationship to the next level. You can try a technique called visualization. When you are alone, imagine yourself hanging out with her like you do every day. Imagine that you are holding hands and hugging her. You then stare into her eyes and glance at her lips. You may even stroke her hair. You feel totally intoxicated by her closeness. Imagine and focus on this feeling of intoxication. Close the distance between her face and yours and then kiss her on the lips. Do this visualization until the images about what you will do come automatically. Visualization is a kind of rehearsal in your mind. When you do this enough times, then when the real situation occurs, you will be able to do the right thing automatically. You will be able to kiss her as easily and as automatically as you did in your mind.
If you don’t want to do this visualization thing, then just tell her up front that you like her and that you want to kiss her, now. Be bold. She wants to be kissed, so do it.
Hi, I met this girl at the beginning of the year and we have become close friends. We talk everyday at class and at night online. We send each other notes during class, about 20 full ligned pages full of notes. Anyways we went on a date and told her I liked her, she started at me for a long time. I catch her staring at me during class or waiting for me to walk with me in the hallway. She still wants to hang out and even introduced me to her parents. I’m planning another date but I don’t know if she likes and I wanna make the move. She’s also single, could you help me please!
Austin, If she goes on a 2nd date with you then there shouldn’t be any doubt that she’s interested in you. When you’re on that date, make the move and kiss her. It’s expected on a date.
hi marc i really love dis girl right 4rom when we were young and she usually make some moves towards me but we lost contact 4 eight yrs but now we got our contanct back i just wanna ask should i go 4 it does she stil feel d way she did when we were young
hi marc pls i want u to answer my question i am a short guy and i can’t talk to ladies should i try my luck
@dog – Yes, you should. The people I know who are short have girlfriends or are married. When talking to them, I never get the sense that being short bothers them or is an issue for them in any way. One of them is extremely successful, makes a lot of money, has a wife, etc. His wife’s height is about the same as his. I would say that if you went after women your height or shorter, then your height is no longer an issue. By doing so, you won’t have to compete with taller men because they are more interested in women closer to their height. Then other things become more important such as overcoming shyness or an inability to talk with the ladies. Work on the other things women find attractive. Work on your confidence. Wear clothing that makes you seem taller such as straight leg pants and single colored clothing where shirt and pants are the same solid color. Vertical pin stripes and well tailored two button suits also work well.
@love – She may or may not feel the same way. You will have to find out for yourself.
I really like this girl and we talk all the time but sometimes i feel she isnt interested in me. We have gone out one time but it feels to me that she might be leading me on. everytime i try to set something up she wants to do it then does something else (usually work). how do i know if she really is interested in me? Also everytime i do my own thing and she is working she says she wanted to go Is that a good thing then?
@ Geof – It seems that she wants to keep things as they are right now. There could be a lot more subtle things going on here that I don’t know about. If she weren’t interested in you but were trying to spare your feelings then she wouldn’t tell you that she wants to be with you when you do your own thing. She may want to take things more slowly than you do. Try finding ways of being with her that aren’t actually formal dates. Nothing ever stands still so your relationship will progress in one direction or another.
i like this girl, but ofcourse i have no clue if she likes me . we talk alot but sometimes she seems more excited to see other people. this other girl i like always bites her lip when smiles at me or something i said. Doed that mean anything?
Hey, I’m kinda confused. I met a girl at a pole vaulting camp which was like three months ago. Then out of the blue I get a facebook friend request from her and we start talking. I get her phone number and for a couple days we talk and she tells me she likes me a little. She tells me she just broke up with her bf three weeks prior so I guess I’m the rebound guy. But I asked her to hangout and we hit it off. I get great eye contact and have a great day. I planning to ask her out but if I do I want to know if the timing will be right considering its a first date and we haven’t known each other that long.
@Kurtis – From your conversations with her you should already have some idea of the kind of date that she would like. From what you’ve said it should be OK to ask her out. The only advice about timing is not allowing weeks to go by before asking her out. Don’t take too long trying to sort this out because nothing stands still.
@Devin – There are a lot of reasons why people bite their lips. For some it’s a nervous habit. Others do it when they are thinking. Sometimes girls will do it in a deliberate flirtatious way when they are attracted to someone. If she’s flirting she will give you other very obvious signals.
marc ive got a realy complicatid situaion my best frined just broke up with this girl that i fell in love with about a half a year ago and and since theve broke up i started back talking to her more oftin as i did befer they were together and she seems in to me but iam not compleatly sure and iam takeing her to a moive tomarrow and ive even told her i love her and she smiled but kinda changed the subject and this weekend when i go to the moives i want to know if shes in the me but i cant tell please help i realy love this girl
@Dyaln – Her reaction to your telling her that you love her means that she doesn’t want to reciprocate that sentiment, at least not yet. It’s not surprising at all that she reacted this way. She has just left another relationship and she probably needs some time to sort things out before getting deeply involved again. Telling a girl that you love her is not in the same league as kissing her for the first time. It’s something that is said after you’ve been in a relationship with her for a while. Don’t rush her with this. Focus on having a good time when you are dating her. Focusing on fun will help her recover from her break up pain. That is the key to winning her over. Maybe in time your dating will lead to romance or maybe not. She’s dating you, so as far as I can see, things are really looking up for you. Don’t mess this up by rushing things.
hey, i recently got out of a 3.5 year long relationship and ive seen a few girls over the last month or soo. However, i have what i consider a date tonight with a girl ive known for a while. I havent gotten to know her that well yet but this past year we’ve had some classes together, worked on projects together etc. She broke up with her boyfriend a week or two ago and seems content to be out of the relationship. we’re watching movies and getting food for tonight, i really want to kiss her but im deadly afraid i might be stuck in the friend zone with her. But also i think that she’d have to be nuts to not see how the two of us chillin alone constitutes a datee. any thoughts?
I’m between a rock and a hard place on this one. Dated this girl years ago and it was great. Was forced to end it though neither of us wanted to and she (we) got hurt. We’ve reconnected recently and go out usually at least once a week. She says we go out as “friends” and I treat it that way, but there is constant eye contact and smiling from her. Talks of things we will do in the future. Am I doing the right thing by playing by her “friends” rule or should I see what a kiss might bring? Don’t really want to lose what I’ve been able to rebuild between us.
@ Edward – The “signs” mentioned in this article are for women that you’ve recently met and have never kissed before. Under those circumstances, you would be looking for signs of attraction and of her anticipating a kiss from you. The two of you are beyond this now because of your past relationship. It is up to you to decide if you want this to be a friendship or a romantic relationship. If you want a romantic relationship, then you don’t want to use up months or years of your life being a “friend” in the hope that something more will develop. You can try asking her out on a real date and then talk about what you want.
well theres This girl and i ike her were dating and will be separated for 2 months weve only hugged but i dont know when she wants to kiss me and i dont want to be embarrased by being doged what do i do plz answer
Hey I really hope you could answer this because its driving me insane.
I’ve known this girl for around 2 years and we have spoke often but only really about college work etc.
And recently ever since starting this term of college she has become really close to me, literally out of the blue.
She hugs me alot, but big hugs not just friend 2 sec hugs.
She always steals my hoodys, flirts, and is always pretty close to me. Like o few days ago I was sitting on a high stool and she was on the floor to the side of me, a little bit away then she decided to move and lean on my llegs. The week before that she snuggled up with me while we watched a video in college.
Now, she’s in a relationship at the moment but its a bit edgy between them. And I’ve told her I like her, she never said she likes me back though.
She is pretty flirty by nature with everyone but she’s just came on strong recently.
I keep getting the urge to kiss her but I won’t press forward until I know for sure.
Cheers
Dan
Dan – If she were repulsed or were indifferent to you, she certainly wouldn’t be snuggling with you, leaning on your legs, etc. This is classic flirtation. One thing you might want to keep in mind: She’s flirting with you while she’s in another relationship. This means that she’d have no problem flirting with someone else if she were in a relationship with you.
Hi Dustin. Part of the dating ritual is kissing. You two have been dating and haven’t kissed. If these were actual dates and you have been on several repeat dates, then both of you have already implicitly expressed a desire for a romantic relationship. If she weren’t really interested in you, you would have stopped dating after the first or second date.
We all try to avoid embarrassment because we want to be socially accepted and don’t want to be perceived as fools. But there is nothing foolish and nothing to be embarrassed about expressing your desire for a romantic relationship. The only thing to be careful of is doing things too quickly or too slowly or in the wrong order. In your case, a kiss is long overdue. Get over the fear of embarrassment and rejection. As long as you are following the ritual correctly then being rejected is nothing to be embarrassed about. Looking for employment involves rejection too. But there is nothing to be ashamed about being turned down for a job. There’s nothing wrong about being a guy who’s interested in girls.
On your next date, kiss her. If no romantic moments occur during the date for you to make your move, then you can kiss her at the end of the date which is expected. Take her hand, tell her that you like her and that you want to kiss her. It’s a good idea to do this before your 2 month separation so that she will be thinking about you during this period.
hi marc i have a friend (girl) but i want to make my girl friend i told her that i am loving u so much 5-6 times but she asking that (( please be a friend only i don’t like this love )) so what can i do please reply me ??????????
i know her from my school days & now we r in same collage i chat with her daily normaly in between i asked her that i m loving her &we both know all our past &she have no complaints with my past . so how can i propose her to be my girl friend ????????????
Hi. I’m afraid you are in her friend zone. She has already said that she doesn’t want a romantic relationship and aggressively chasing her will cause her to avoid you and you may lose a friend.
Hi. I really like this girl and she likes me to.We always fall out and im scared im going to lose her. Nobody else knows about us and i often meet her at college if I can with nobody seeing. She know i want to kiss her and knows how nervous i get. She plays around with my hand and often gets close to me, does this means she wants me to kiss her?
Hi James. I’m not sure why you are concerned that no one see you together but I won’t question that. From what you are saying, it does seem that she is interested in you. There is no mistaking her playing with your hand. I suggest that you take her on a date and kiss her then. Relationships don’t stand still. If your relationship does not progress beyond the initial flirtation stage, she may become frustrated and move on.
Hi. i am in love with a gal for the last 4 years in the same college. i have told her the same thing just 1.5 years back, but she rejected me
saying that it just can not happen.she din telme the reason.sometimes she says im too gud,but im nt convinced wt d reason.
after that we were in contact also with a short period of hibernation.the reason of hibernationused to be my talks which at time hurt her.bt if u ask a normal person he/she wud jst laught at those points(few days to months) i know she loves and cares about me bt never accepts, because she used to break the ice during our hibernation phase. i do tell her alot that how much i love. i just cant live without her. can you suggest how to go about?its getting hard for me to concentrate on my career.
Hey Mark,
I met this girl a few days ago and we’ve hung out a couple times since, but always with other people. She is always hugging me, sitting on me when I sit down, kissing me on the cheek or letting me hold her hand. The problem is that she’s a huge flirt, so I can’t tell if she’s flirting with me because she likes me or just leading me on. Then sometimes she leans in close and we lock eyes for a few seconds, but I always turn it into a joke or just kiss her on the cheek because I have no idea if she’d like it if I kissed her. Basically I’m just wondering if there are any special signs I can look for because I don’t want to just try and then screw up.
Extreme flirtation within a few days of knowing her could mean that flirtation is just a sport for her and she is having some fun with you. Is she flirting like this with other guys? If so, this is a bad sign and you shouldn’t waste your time.
Does she have a serious side? If she is capable of relating to you in a serious way, this is good.
Is she totally out of your league in terms of looks? This is most likely a bad sign (because it could be a cruel joke) but you may have other masculine qualities that have nothing to do with looks that she is attracted to.
Another possibility is that she has emotional issues, is insecure and desperate for attention. If this were the case, she would be under a lot of tension and this tension will eventually show itself. She might lash out at you for some innocent comment that she takes the wrong way for example. Or perhaps she might react out of proportion to small things that happen to her.
I think you should put off kissing her in a serious way until you know her better. You need to know what else is there besides this flirtatious side.
im extremely confused about this. never really had an issue with women before, i always seem to know what to do, but this one just has me stumped. shes showing all the signs that shes interested, she makes frequent physical contact, yet im still not getting the vibe thatd itd be acceptable to make the move. its hard to explain, but im just not getting the “hurry up and kiss me vibe”
@alex – So she’s interested but wants to proceed slowly. Slow is good because if she is really interested in you then the sexual tension will build up. Keep her interested in you and the dam will finally burst. Ask her out and do activities that women consider romantic. Remember that men and women have different ideas about this. Slow dancing, walks at night under the stars, sunsets, that sort of thing. Doing these things with her will build up the tension. The great thing about formal courtship rituals, is that there are unwritten rules that both of you know about and will have to do if you still like each other. The first kiss is one of them. The average number of dates before a couple kisses is about two dates.
Hi im have a girl problem im extremely confused, i Like this girl alot and told her before and i think she likes me too (her brother and friends told me this), well we work together and we are always laughing and just having a good time, well then she invites me to her party but i really didnt know nobody there so i was gonna head out but before i left i wanted to tell her how i felt towards her, i told here that i want to be with her and go out with her and that i really liked her, but she says we cant cause of work then i told her i dont care about what work says, then she catches me by suprise and starts kissing me i had no clue she was coming in for it i was looking down at my water bottle for some reason i cant remember why!! So i quessed she noticed that i wasnt kissing her back and she asked me if i was gonna kiss her back (take note that i didnt react because i was completly shocked and our lips were still together when she asked me ) so i did we kissed for awhile then we stoped because people were next to here door outside her room amd yes we were in her room when this happened i forgot to say that, well then i left and went home then later that night she texted me and apoligized for it. so then the next day we started talking about the whole thing and she said she dont like me like that and she doesnt want to jeopardize the friendship that we have, why would she do this to me this is where im confused … oh and she got out of a bad relationship where she said her heart was broken so what im thinking is she is afraid to let someone in her life again. I have no CLUE what to do! Someone please give advice
Hey Marc. how do u get a girl interested in u, that plays hard to get. i mean she says she likes me, but the play hard to get is soo difficult to go around. do u have any suggestions on what to do?
Women play hard to get either because they are a.) interested and are “playing the game”, or b.) they aren’t sure about you just yet and are being cautious, or c.) they aren’t interested at all and you only think she’s playing hard to get. Cases a.) and c.) are the easiest to figure out. If she is clearly giving you the classic flirtation signals then it’s case a. If she gives signs of avoidance such as always avoiding eye contact (her eyes look off to the side or stare straight through you like you are not there when she talks to you) and she is always retreating and defensive and she constantly flat out rejects you, then it’s case c.
As to what to do, here’s a good youtube video for that: How To Deal With A Woman Who Plays Hard To Get
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hello my name is mike i had relatioships in the past but they came out just cause girls realy liked me and i knew it thats why i made the move but i cant fight out the fear i have…. i dont know i am 19 years old good looking (now) cause i was fat before some years i think the fear comes from my old self…
Hello, there is a girl, she is a friend of mine, we’ve been friends for about 7 years, she’s kinda my neighbor, and i’ve been told by a friend of her that she liked me after she came back from her “Travel”. She also said that she wanted to kiss me, if we were alone in the room, (her friend was in the room too). But the thing is, she told her friend not to tell me, and not to tell anyone, so im confused what do i do ? Do i ask her to be in a relationship with me ? do i kiss her or what ? Please reply, you could really helped me, your posts have helped me previously you’re just awesome.
Regards,
Mark
Oh, and i forgot to add, the next day i sat with her and her friend back at my place, she was laughing really hard from some stuff that i said, but she really showed to signs of interest, or any signs of attraction, Although i caugh her from the corner of my eye glacing at me. Should i go out with her ? Im really confused, any help would be really appreciated.
thanks!
Corrention of the previous post: But she really showed NO* signs of interest or any signs of attraction.
Hi Mark. I got a comment expressing concern about some ones comment (yours?) being deleted. When you first submit a comment, you will see your comment and a message saying that your comment is waiting to be moderated (or something like that). This means that until I approve the comment, only you can see it . If you delete your cookies in your computer before I OK your comment, then it will disappear. So I think that’s what happened in your case (if that was you). Your comment was perfectly acceptable. I generally delete prank comments, spam comments, comments expressing hate, or comments from people talking about their sexual exploits. I try to keep this blog a G rated one (hence the absence of scantily clad women that is typical for blogs on this topic). I also moderate comments every other day so depending on when a comment is submitted, it can be a one or two day wait before you see my response if I have one.
On to your question…
Her friend may have been playing a prank on you but this is only a possibility, not fact. The best way to find out if she is interested is to not mention what her friend told you. Instead, you could ask her out. The “date” shouldn’t be heavy. Just do something with her during the day with the two of you alone. Do your best to make it a fun (not romantic) outing. During the outing, don’t mention anything about kissing her or about any further dates. The next time you see her or call her, you can ask her out again. This time the outing can be more like a traditional date at night. The two of you should be together in some romantic setting. She will be wondering where this “dating is leading” and so will you. You are both wondering about this to yourselves but haven’t talked about it yet. This is the essence of sexual (or romantic) tension. If she has no problems with being on a traditional date with you, then she must be interested in you or at least she is curious about the possibility of a relationship with you. At this point you will have to play it by ear where you drop hints, flirt, look for signs of attraction. At some point if all goes well, you will be holding hands and before you know it, kissing. It may or may not take more than two dates. Just build up the tension and don’t get into a rush. Other people have different ways of approaching this but I personally love building up tension right up to the tipping point where she’s about to grab you.
hello again Marc, and thank you for your advice, i need to ask you one more thing though, the problem is, i dont talk that much to that girl, (and im 100% sure its not a prank), my sister also told me shes talking about me and how i changed etc… anyways, i dont want her to realize that i knew. How can i ask her out by some way that she wont realize or feel that i know ? I mean i dont speak to her that much, and how come all of a sudden i start talking to her and trying to take her out, (im not that much of a go-out person espeacially with her) I go out like 5-8 times a week, sometimes more depends..
Thanks in advance,
Regards,
Mark
The girl I like is shy, and I believe she wants to be kissed. Her eyes do the whole dialated thing and she’ll lick her lips, but when I take her hand, she pulls it away. What do I do if she just afraid? she said she’s never had a boyfriend before, so I doubt she’s actually ever been kissed, and doesn’t know what to do. what do i do?
Mark – I think she’s going to wonder about that regardless of how you ask her out and there’s nothing to stop her from asking your sister directly. The main thing is to start talking to her more and then ask her out. People get together in all kinds of ways. In your case you got some inside “intel” on her from your sister. Of course you don’t want to express it quite this way because it may turn her off. You might stretch the truth a little such as you’ve been interested in her for a while but weren’t sure if she regarded you as anything more than a friend. When you heard your sister mention her interest, you knew that the feelings were mutual and so you asked her out. You only have to tell her this if she brings it up.
Hi Alex. You will have to proceed more slowly with her. She is both shy and inexperienced. Holding hands, touching and kissing have enormous significance to her. She will need more time to get to know you and to get more comfortable with you. Shy girls have all the normal desires but the pacing is different with them. Make note of the situations and types of dates and conversational subjects that she feels most comfortable with.
Shy people are generally very sensitive about what is said or happens to them. This means that mistakes on your part will have a greater impact on her. So be careful about making her feel self conscious or uncomfortable about herself. Don’t talk about or make an issue of her shyness as this may be an area that she is very sensitive about. Understanding and acceptance are important. She may feel that the rest of the world regards her as shy or different in some way so you need to be one of the few who understands and accepts her for who she is.
Most shy people are also introverts. This means they require more time alone. So you shouldn’t be with her every second of the day. At some point you may want to drop some hints about moving the relationship to a more intimate level. This will allow her to process this and get used to the idea. If the moment feels right and holding her hand seems appropriate, you may need to ask her first. This allows her time to get ready for it.
Hey Marc I’m in sort of a situation, and was hoping you’d help me out. This story is a bit crazy, so before you tell me to leave this girl alone, just know, im not asking for you permission to pursue or to act… i just want to know what you think.
Heres the situation. Im a senior in college, met this girl my sophomore year… we never really spoke until one day after one of our classes, and from then on, she would sit beside of me in both classes we had. Well we started talking more and more, studying and what not. It really seemed like we were finding things to do so we could be together. Well, I got married during that semester, so I thought things would change between us but, this semester, we have every single class together. She’s constantly told me she wants to be just friends, and she’s not a home wrecker, and im completely fine with that, but im having a hard time reading her. She always invades my personal space, in a good way, we’ll be walking beside each other, she’ll bump into me, she’ll brush up against me when we’re sitting beside of each other, she constantly looks at me, and she doesnt think I see, and when I do talk to her, she never looks away from my eyes, and it almost makes me feel like there is a connection there. We spend a lot of time together… I’ve been to her apartment several times for “study sessions”, that end up being time where we just hang out, talk shit, and watch tv. I’ve never made a move past touching her hand or brushing my hands through her hair, which she doesnt object too, but like I said… I think we’re really into each other. Just to throw another kink into the mix, she just got engaged, but things havent changed between us. The questions are, does it sound like she wants more than friendship? Should I make a move, if thats what my heart is saying do? I realize how unethical and wrong I sound so it goes without saying…
@Rodger – You both are attracted to each other and this attraction is enhanced by the fact that you are both “off limits” to each other and that there is plenty of opportunity. From what you’ve said, your affair has already started. You just haven’t “consummated” it yet.
Keep in mind that divorce is messy, expensive, and very stressful. If there are kids in the equation, then a divorce can affect you for the rest of your life. The important question is whether you should go with your heart. Is it really your “heart” or is it the allure of someone new and attractive? Putting your brain in the back seat and allowing your life to be dictated by the impulses and strong drives that we all have will lead to a train wreck.
Thanks for the response Marc. You’ve made a lot of good points, most of them I already know, but for some reason when it comes to her i just throw all logical thinking out the window. I kind of do feel like the emotional affair has already started. It’s driving me crazy. We talk every night, and then we see each other every day, often hanging out for a coupe hours inbetween our classes. I really feel like she’s just waiting on me to make a move, for example. . . we went on our weekly date, and when we arrived back to go to class, she just sat in my car for like 15 minutes, talking, i opened the door twice to leave, but she just sat there… Was she wanting me to kiss her? what??? I mean, I feel like i should just break this off right now, but then again, I feel great around her because I dont know how many more relationships in my life im gonna have like the one I have with her, ya know? Im just lost.
Roger, I will throw in a couple more logical points. There could be sides to her that you don’t know about yet. If you will excuse the cold expression, your wife is a known quantity because you’ve been living with her. You already know her bad points (if there are any). That is not so with your friend. For all you know, her bad points could make life with her impossible.
My second point is aimed at what you said about not knowing how many more relationships you are going to have like the one you have with her:
Like everyone in the world, she is unique, one of a kind, so you won’t find anyone exactly like her again. But there are many more satisfying relationships to be found that would be perfect for you should your current marriage ever fail. It is all a matter of your energy level when you are looking for the right person.
One more thing to try is to see how you feel about this when you haven’t been around her for a while. Hopefully some sort of a break from your school routine is coming up soon.
theres this really cool girl that i work with shes really outgoing where im not really shy just really laid back and quite. we went out the other night and just went to dinner and talked for a couple hours, turns out we dont really have much in common. sometimes at work when were talking she gets really close and watches my eyes very closely, well i think she does i cant look away from her lips lol, and shell always give me a big hug right before leaving. i cant help but feel like i should kiss her, but its at work and i think she also likes my friend there too and im joining the military hopefully within the year. just got no clue what to do
Hey marc plzz respond to this I need help..
So I like this girl I met at a fast food place, and we talk everytime I go ther back then..she’ll give me half off meals and all. We laugh, stare into eachothers eyes n wat not..And one day recently I got her number you kno and she was like”oh so you wanna hang out or take me out or something?” I was like well yeah. So we went on a date the other day..it was a haunted house she said she was gonna get scared n all and said she would hold me tight , which she did, arms wrapped around me holding my hand sometimes too while were goin through thehe maze..and at the end of the date she said this was a really great date I wish my dates in the past were like this..so she gave me a hug when I dropped her off at her house. But I said ill give you a real full hug once I get outta this car. We hugged I was about to go in for the kiss but I wasn’t really sure if I shouldve ..cuz it was the first date. And her friend just came bcuz they were bout to go to a party.and then my date said wait you can come too if you want to call some friends of yours and ccome too..I said ok ill call. But none of my friends weren’t up for a party or either they had work or sleep..and so my date said call me in 30 min. To see what I’m doin..
I decided not to go to the party all I did was text hersayin. My friends not tryin to go. But no response from her. And plus iwas busy that’s why I didn’t go to the party.
So the next mornin, I text her goodmornin. No response, same withthe nextday in the after noon b4 I went to work saying what’s up. But yet no response. So I’m thinking did I do something wrong.? Do yu think she’s interested in me? Should I have went in for the kisss..? Should I have done it on the first date.? I don’t know why she isn’t textin back. I’m not tryna sound desperate its jus weird cuz I added her on FB(friend. Website) ..n she accepts but she can’t text back or anything.? I don’t know what’s up so can you help me out a bit marc?
@DAS – There’s a good chance she is upset about you not going to the party. She invited you and you declined. She may have taken this as a rejection. When opportunity knocks, you have to be ready. Try talking to her where she works. Face to face communication works best.
well let put it this way i like this girl and i think she likes me talk alot on mxit and we have some laughs bt when i asked to go to the movies she said sure then when i asked her to a date she sorta hesitated bt said she would like to go now two questions : could she maybe not wana go on a date with me cause shes one year older or is she just not that into me i mean i see her at skwl and we always talk and she calls me over to her in the morns we have alot of the same interests and shes awesome , and if she does want to when is the best time to kiss her during the movie after before in the parking lot where would u suggest a good place thanks for the time man
@philp – It’s impossible to say why she hesitated a bit. I wouldn’t worry about that. As far kissing her, most people do it on the second date but it’s not a rule written in stone. If the first date is going really well and especially if she gives you strong signs of attraction (see the first point in the article above) then it OK, otherwise you may want to wait until the second date. If things are going badly or if she seems bored or doesn’t like you, then don’t even try.
You can make your move at the end of a date since it is often expected if things go well. You don’t necessarily have to wait till the end of the date if you have a good sense about knowing when the moment is right. For example, the conversation stops but neither of you are able to look away from each other. This is what you would call a romantic moment. You should take her hand first which will give her the opportunity to pull away if she isn’t interested. If she doesn’t pull away and seems to be anticipating your kiss, then kiss her slowly.
thank you
my girlfriend and i have been dating for almost 4 months (anniversary on Christmas) shes a completely different, amazing girl altogether. and i really like what we have. when we watch a movie or something she has her hand tucked under her leg ad always glances at me every few sec’s. Pupils dilated all-the-time i don”t think that really means something though. thoughts? advice? appreciate it.
You must have kissed her by now. Pupils dilate for other reasons than arousal. They dilate to let more light into the eye when it is dark.
hi, ok so hears the problem, this girl i work with i like her and about 2-3months ago we got talking bout stuff u no, but at this point i didnt realise i liked her we were work freinds, and this one night she asks me to wait for her so we can walk home together, so we did and we were talking and walking and she told me something quite personal, she told me she thought she was pregnant but she was going to the doctors in the morning to get it ‘sorted’.
right so later that nite we was texting and she sed she would come round mine and see me for a bit the next day, which i though was as freinds. the next day comes round mine at around 7ish that nite and she came to tell me she had seen the doctor and everything, and i was watching tv, and her favourite program came on so she stayed longer. we were both sat down on the sofa next to each other watching tv, and we both got comfy, u no flirtin and stuff, she lent into me and put her leg on my leg, she grabs my arm when we were both laughing together and keeps held of my arm while we were watching tv. so eventually we are both lying down on the sofa together face to face in each others personal space, then she starts to fall off the sofa so i pull her bak up and embrace her and we start to get intimate, we were rubbing each others noses together, she was stroking my hair and breathing heavy and this was the moment for me to go in and kiss her….but then this thought pops into my head and stops me as i go in for the kiss, i was thinking why had she told me she was pregnant and then come to mine the day after she told me. and at this point i stopped and didnt do anything and reverted my eyes bak to the tv as if we was just messin. then about 2 mins later we both get up and she tells me she should be going so she gets up and puts her shoes on and so i sed i would walk her home and i did, we got to her house and then it was kind of awkward we stood like for wat feeled like 5 mins but was barely 5 seconds, and then she just hugs me and i nerly fell backwards so i stablize myself i pick her up and we both looked at each other for 10 secs and then she jumps down and says “bye” thats my story, sorry it being so long.
ok so we both still work together but i only work part time and really only see her at work or sometimes walking down the street. over the past 2-3 months we texted a bit and then i stoped and ive probaly text her 3 or 4 times over the past month and she hasnt replied. although when at work we still both talk and flirt alot but i always start it.
i started to like her more and more recently but i also keep thinking about that nite and wat she told me, i am totally overthinking it i know i am but i really want to go out with her and start a relationship but i dont no if she likes me in that way, coz when at work i get mixed signals from her when flirting, i sometimes catch her looking at me, and i ask her why u lookin at me? in a flirty way and she smiles but sometimes she will just ignore me when shes not doing anything when i carnt be arsed start a convo, like i said i always start the flirting or convos.
im struggling man with wat to do and im soz ive taken up so much space tryin to get my point accross, and i hope uve read it all u mite be a bit confused i need help thanks and please reply bak
@tom – You could try something that is not quite a date like going out with her for lunch then perhaps a short walk before going back to work. This gives you a chance to get to know each other more and provide an opportunity to find out if she is interested in a relationship. Flirtation is fine but you should mix in some real conversation as well.
Hey Marc so two nights ago I hung out with this chick for the first time. It actaually was the first time we met in person since I met her over Facebook. She’s told be that I’m a really cute guy and I’ve told her that she was a really pretty girl(this was all over text before hanging.) When we were hanging out we were just cuddling in my basement watching a movie and I realized she was rubbing her lips together alot and it seemed more like a subconscious thing. She didn’t send any other signals but that. Do you think I should have kissed her or do you think it was ok that I decided to wait? I mean it was the first time ever actually hanging out and meeting her in person so I didn’t feel the need to have to kiss her. Also she said she really wants to hang again. Should I just do it the next time we hang then?
@James – The advice on this page only applies when her attention is focused on you. From what you are saying, her focus was on the movie. I would say that so far, you are doing fine.
You should never try to force something, just because it’s the second “date” or the third or whatever. You need to be ready to respond when the “moment” presents itself. It is up to you to recognize it when it happens by reading her signals and by how well your “relationship” is progressing. You can certainly help things along by doing things together that are considered romantic.
hey marc, so there’s this girl i really like, we’ve gone on two dates and i havent found the right time to kiss her. She hasnt really shown many signs that you’be listed but she puts on chapstick a lot while we’re out. Im not really sure if she’s ever kissed anyone before but i’m wondering how i should go abou this. i really dont want just a friend relationship.
Mike, the chapstick thing is a good sign. You can set up the moment. Go for walk in a romantic setting, hold hands or put your arm around her. Doing this will clue her into your romantic intent and a kiss would follow more naturally from this.
Hi Marc,
There’s a girl I have been kind of seeing for close to year now. We stopped talking half way through for a few months and then continued about a month ago.
There is an intense connection, ie: I influence her decisions and actions as she doesn’t want me to get mad at her or some s#!t.
She messages me daily, from when she wakes till she sleeps..
To cut a long story short I was out having a few drinks with some friends and I sent her a drunken text explaining how I feel about her. Since then we have met up a few times.
More recently on the beach. Caught each other staring at each other and eventually fell asleep on the beach with her cuddling up.
I have no clue on how to come about this.
Hi Marc , i read your advises and they sound great . you really know how to help someone , great work seriously . umm i also need your help , im in a very complicated situation . im in love with my best friend and she knows that . she has recently broke up with her guy . she likes to share things with me n respects my feelings for her but whenever i try to make her mine . she always says that we can never b more than friends , i dont want to lose you . i always want to b your best friend as i dont want to mess up our relation :s im confused . i love her so much but i dont think she feels he same . can you please help me out
Ricky, I’ve answered a similar question here for getting out of the friend zone. It’s a bit risky. You should start seeing other girls as this will give you more options and may cause her to change her perception about you.
Hey Marc plz reply, so I go out with this girl and I really like her, one time I went round here and she played some music that was about someone not leaving, kinda like she was trying to set a mood, she was looking at her lap but it was like she was looking at me through her poritheral vision and was getting closer to me, how do you think she feels about me? Any suggestions? Plzz and thanks
@Max Hilton – The context of the situation is important. If some stranger in a public place (like a mall) were doing things that seem like she’s attracted to you, it’s much harder to figure out if she really is, or if it’s your imagination, or if she’s just crazy. Extremely confident and experienced males can tell the difference.
But if this girl is someone you know and you are on a date and the date is going well and she is doing what you are describing, then by all means move closer to her and hold her hand. If she reciprocates, then draw her closer to you. If she reciprocates again, then slowly kiss her. You do this in little small steps where you gauge her response each time.
Hi marc,
My question is a difficult one: i have been with my girlfriend since friday, weve been on a date already and are going on another soon, but i dont know when to kiss her. Her friend told me she wanted ti wait, but i think she mightve just said that because se is shy. Help?
Also she hugs me all the time
@John – It’s not unheard of for a guy to do some planning before he goes on a date. Think of situations or places she would consider romantic. It should be a situation where you have a bit of privacy. Those are the situations when she will be most receptive. Also read my response to Max Hilton’s comment.
I think i screwed up with a girl. I’ve known her a long time, but not until recently have we started hanging out a few times. It wasn’t a formal date, meaning I asked if she wanted dinner and she said she already had hers ready, so we met up at 9 to see a play, chatted, afterwards we hung out there. At one point, she rubbed her arm up against my arm. Afterwards I asked what she wanted to do and she said she still wanted to hang out, so we grabbed drinks, later when we left we held hands while walking to the train. While waiting for the train, she kept talking–a lot, I couldn’t find my move to possibly kiss her, she then put on some chap stick and took a mint. But I did nothing. We got on the train and she kept talking. Which made me think she was nervous, but possibly nervous like “Uh oh, he likes me, not good.” I dunno. Then her stop came and we pecked on the cheek. The next day I texted her saying when was she free again for dinner and drinks. No response. Then I wrote a comment on her FB wall. No response. Did i blow it? Blerg.
Hi marc, i like a girl vry close to my house, she is in sec school nd am in my 2nd yr in univasity, i dont see any signal cos i dont see her always nd i dont no if she like me too but i supectin she ve another guy, shuld i approach her to tell her my feelings or what shuld i do? I ve some of ur comment. Pls reply me.
ok so me and my girlfriend have going out for a month now but we’ve only see each other once. i might get to see her soo and i want to kiss her but idk if i should being the second time we’ve seen each other since we started dating. should i do it or not is my question
@Austix – Start by making small talk. Don’t jump the gun by telling her your feelings. You should be making a habit of making small talk with people around you. This will improve your skill and expose you to more women which increases your odds of finding someone.
@sven – Hi. There are similar questions in the comments that I have answered. Check them out. I’m sure they’ll be of help.
Very nice tips! The physical leaning in is probably the biggest sign. Nice article man.
i have a doubt! She says she likes me,but she don’t wants to be in a relation,
then would she mind a kiss?how should i kiss her? and ya shes comfortable when i put my arm around her shoulder,she never minds,as long as i keep it!
Hii pls respond to this soon.. So my friend wanted to set me up with this girl so I got her num and we started talking quite a bit and after a week we wanted to meet eachother. So the both of us got together with my friend that was setting us up and her bf so then after that we hung out a couple more times and she told me she liked me and I said I liked her soo a couple days after and a couple days ago I asked her out soo now were goin out.. Soo I hate getting my hair messed up and so does she so were alwYs messin up eachothers hair buut were goin out for valentines day and she’s my first gf so idk when to make the first move and kiss her.. We gave eachother hugs when we werent goin out buut were totally comfortable round eachother now… When do I make a move?? I dont wanna do it too soon and make her uncomfortable but I don’t wanna leave it too long either
Hey….therz this girl..whom I hav proposed wen she was in a relation..She said she wntd to be wid me..n would soon brkup wid her bf…We hav been on many hangouts n this will be our 1st as a couple tghtr…M taking her to the movies and then a beach…which she arranged this plan for wen we meet..the thing..is I dnt knw if she will wnt me to.kiss her or nt…I hav seen her many times biting her lips…and she has also kept her head on my shldher…so has she nt taken her hand away wen i caught her hand..I hav nt kissed her on her cheeks yet…
My question to you is will she wnt me to kiss her..??..
..even thgh shez in a relation wid sum1…bt loves me….and is nt sure to be wid me 4ever..
@Yoshy – This is a new experience for you and probably for her. This means she is probably very excited about just being on a date with a boy. This means you don’t have to worry so much about doing things perfectly. I would imagine that she is probably fantasizing about a first kiss on Valentines day. I think Valentines day would be a great time to do it. A perfectly safe way to do this is near the end of the date. You can just tell her that you would like to kiss her. From what you’ve told me, it’s just about a sure thing that she will respond. Doing it on Valentine’s day is extremely romantic which is something girls appreciate.
Hey Marc,
I wanna say u first thing that I never talked with a girl who doesn’t belonged to be my relative.So today I’m studying in a college and I’m facing many problems with my this kinda behaviour.. In my college, I don’t have a courage to make a eye contact with a girl.. I always ignored the girls that today I feel very bad and uncomfortable with a glimpse of a girl.
Pls help me..what is my problems and how to solve this.
A few days ago I found out that a girl likes me and I like her, so we hung out and at the end of the day, she said we should hang out tomorrow at lunch. So the next day we hung at lunch, we talked and I called her hot, the end of the day comes, I said I have to go, and when I said that she crossed her legs ad was moving back ad forth. Was she waiting for me to kiss her? And should I the next time we hang out?
She may have been upset by the abruptness of your leaving. If you are too quick about leaving, it can be misinterpreted as rejection or that you were uncomfortable with her in some way. I don’t think her discomfort had to do with your not kissing her. Whether or not you kiss her the next time depends on her.
Ok my girlfriend is scared to kiss I haven’t said can we kiss or anything I hug her and she says my name and pushes me away I know it might seem like she doesn’t want to kiss me but she said she wanted to im confused
Hi marc the way u answer everyone it’s great if u are a lady than ur so kind and loving personality and if u r a man then graceful
@Abubakar – Lol. I’ve never been called graceful before but I’ll take the compliment. I’m a guy.
hey Marc i’ve liked this girl with about 2 years and she’s stunning looking and very popular and i’ve been told i very good looking aswell but nothing has happened between the 2 of us about a year ago i got her no. and was txin her but she never txted me without me txin her first but she always txt me back wen i txt her and i met her in a nightclub one night and she was hangin round wit me pretty much for the night and invited me to go dancing with her which i did but i never try to kiss her and when i see her she always smiles at me but she never says my name and i always say hers which i hear is a sign you like someone and i’ve caught her starin at me a few times in school and she always looks away wen i see her starin also some of her friends dont get on with me or my friends. do you think i have a chance with her or what would you reccomend?
@Dennis – Try asking her out. It should be something small like going for a coffee. Something she wouldn’t have any trouble saying yes to. If she asks if this is a date, never back down by pretending that it’s not. This makes you seem like you lack confidence. Just say yes.
Marc help me out, i really get nervous around a girls presence, if some girl tries to talk to me, i dont know why automatically a harsh reply comes out of my mouth, i cant interact with a girl efficiently, please help me out…
@Shaurya – I have two suggestions. The next time a girl starts to talk to you, listen to her, smile but act like it doesn’t matter that much whether she likes you or not. Keep your replies simple. Then excuse yourself and go about your business. You will only do this until you learn how to interact and become comfortable around girls. In the meantime this won’t offend her like your harsh replies would and it may even intrigue her.
My next suggestion is to read this http://www.howtoattractagirl.org/how-to-approach-girls
The most important thing is to get lots of practice at socially interacting with girls as discussed in the article.
Thanx marc…
Hey Marc, I really need your advice here. A little background first: We both go to the same university, we are on the school’s track and field team, however we don’t see each other often at practice since i am a sprinter and she is a distance runner, but we also live in the same building (apartment suites). We’ve known each other for about 6 months, she is a freshman and I’m a sophomore. There is a cafe in the building as well, so generally we tend to run into each other daily, and would talk every now and then, and I’ve always had a crush on her.
A week ago, she brought up that she was going to take her laptop over to best buy to get it fixed, so I offered to try and fix it (I’m pretty good with computers) since it would’ve cost her a few hundred bucks. It took around 5 hours to fix it, the laptop was pretty screwed up. She wanted to pay me, but I refused the payment as I did it as a favor, so she insisted in taking me out to a dinner date.
I accepted the “date”, and we had a great time, we were there for 3 hours, non-stop talking and overall had a really great time. After this, I wanted to ask her out, but was conflicted as to whether she offered the “date” simply because she felt that she owed me for the laptop. After 3 days passed, I finally had the guts to go up to her suite (first time I ever went to her suite), got into a small conversation, and finally popped the question:
“I had a really great time on Thursday, and I was just wondering if you wanted to go out with me to this new place.”
Does this imply that I’m asking her out to a date?
She said yes, and we ended up going out yesterday. Which again, we had a really great time, nearly there for 3 hours, walked her back to her suite, hugged her and we both responded back to each other that we had a great time. And then I asked her if she wanted to go out for a morning run to the beach over the weekend, to which she replied yes, unless she ends up going back home for the weekend and that she would let me know.
Maybe I’m thinking about it too much, but I don’t know if she knows that I like her. And to make it worse, I don’t know if she likes me. I didn’t have the guts to tell her that she looked beautiful, or even make a compliment on her eyes, hair, clothing, etc. I couldn’t tell if her pupils were dilated, although they had a certain glow or shine to them, and unfortunately the table we ended up on was kinda wide, so physical contact was literally impossible unless one of us reached over the table (she would put her shoulders on the table every now and then though, and lean a little bit towards me). And walking over and back from the coffee place, we didn’t bump into each other or anything, only physical contact was the hug at the end. The conversation was solid though, talked about a lot of personal stuff and we just kept going back and forth. There was never a silent moment.
Then again, I do want to take this a little slow, but not too slow. I really love her, and I want to have a REAL RELATIONSHIP with her, but I want to be sure that she knows my intentions. Do you think she does? Should I make a move during the morning run when we stop for a break at the pier or the beach, or the next time we go out for dinner? Or should I just compliment/flirt with her and go from there?
NOTE: She is a very outgoing person, very social, which is probably why I am confused about her, along with this being the first time I’ve ever gone out with a girl. I keep thinking to myself that this is something that she does very often, however, as far as I know, she has never been out with just one guy before. She is always in groups, mostly with girls, and has expressed that she isn’t very close to anyone in the track and field team (despite her hanging out often with them).
there is a girl i like she does not know and every time i see her i want to kiss her but i do not know wat i should do. plz tell me!i do not want to lose her.
she is beautiful and i get shy and my body tells me i cant move or talk but i want to.tell me how to confront her plz.plz tell me how i can build up a relationship with her,i have known her for 8 years and i love her but i cant confront her!
@xercese – This should help:
http://www.howtoattractagirl.org/how-to-approach-girls
also check these out too:
http://www.howtoattractagirl.org/category/introversion-and-shyness
@Eric – You’re doing fine so far. She knows something is up because you’ve asked her out several times. She has gone out with you each time so that means that she likes what she sees so far. You are both relatively inexperienced, so you don’t have to be in that big of a hurry about the first kiss. I think flirtation is a good way to go at this point. The surprise kiss is very risky and I don’t recommend it. There is two scenarios that are ideal for the first kiss.
The first is when it is expected because of the circumstances. When you are at the end of a formal date, it is customary to give a hug or a kiss depending on whether it’s the first date or if you already been on a few. In your case, if you plan a date that is a bit more formal than the ones you’ve been on, then if she’s had a good time, she may be expecting a kiss at the end of this date. You execute your kiss slowly. If you scan though my comments here you will find the details explained.
The second scenario is when both of you find yourselves in a romantic situation and you both are feeling affected by it.
OK Marc. My situation is a little complex. I’ve liked this girl for like 4 years and she’s known it for like 3. She has dated two guys in this time period. And the whole time I was friendzoned. Well somehow like all her friends turned on her, all but me. I’ve been her best friend for almost 6 months now.. she finally decided to give me a chance about a month and a half ago and we’ve been talking steadily, we spend almost 2 hours a night texting. The only thing is, we don’t want people to know about us. It creates a large amount of drama, this is because she is a very religiously devout Christian, and I’m the only Jewish guy in our school. I’m almost 100% sure she wants me to make a move. The problem is that I can’t do it in public. Plus its sad but she’s the only girl I’ve ever liked.. so I’ve also never once kissed a girl. So I’m really nervous.. I just don’t really know what to do. Any advice?
I’ve been hanging with this girl and we sleep and cuddle at night but the first day we hung out she said she wasn’t looking for a relationship bitching about some other dude. But we lye in bed and I find her staring at me from the corner of my eye and we lock eye contact for a few seconds and she just smiles I’ll say what and she’ll just say nothing and look away I think the one day she was actually agitated lol Im not the best with girls I don’t know how it’s so akward trying to kiss her I knew her in high school but different clique of friends and we met up at bar we went to my buddy’s and literally saved her from being taken advantage of went up to my house and yea we already had sex but like I said we were both mad drunk but I let her be the first one to text and all and she’s disproven not wanting to be in a relationship in my eyes and she wants to kiss me right any advice I know you guys will probably call me a moron and say this girl is throwing herself at me but idk man Im horrible with girls lol
Hi Marc, I was trying to find the answer for my situation with a girl, but nobody posted it in here. So here it comes. Friend (girl) of mine has invited a friend from work to our house and I really like her. We have many things in common and it’s really easy talking to her. The thing is I don’t want to push her too much since we met only couple of times. I really like her and she’s like ideal girl for me, one of my dreams, if you know what I mean. I want to ask you, when I took her home (both times), I parked in front of her house and we were talking for another hour in the car. What do you think, is it a good sign? I’m little bit confused, because if she didnt like me, she would just say few words and then she would go home. What do you think?
@J.D – This is the girl your friend invited to your house (just to be sure you aren’t talking about your friend). It’s a good sign for someone you’ve just met to spend that much time talking to you in the car. I’m also assuming that she enjoyed the conversation you both had. So the next step is to ask her out. There may be some complications with your friend’s feelings about doing this but who said life isn’t messy?
Hey Marc, ok basically this girl is my neighbor. She knows I like her. We hang out almost everyday, she calls me to watch movies all the time past 11:30 at night after she gets out of her work. She has shown all possible signals she wants me to make a move- her body that is. (Stares deeply into my eyes, has initiated physical contact, at times I have notice her breath get heavy and really warm, makes her lips wet and swallows at time the whole time I’m laying next to her, would drink from my same bottle of water same with food, has initiated hugs before, and has also wears really sexi clothing while we watch movies. I have known her for about three years now, and even known some of her boyfriends. So well… the three times I asked if she wanted to move on, all of them she came up with the “No you are my friend… etc” kind of story, yet she still calls me and would text me to hang out with her like it was yesterday. We have shared stories of intimate experiences as well, basically I can say its a relationship in which making out or having sex is “prohibited”. She always picks romantic movies, and we watch them for the most part in her room at her bed. She has admitted before she likes my looks, and even spends part of her hard earned money to rent the movies and do other things with me since I’m not working. I’m really not sure what she wants from me but I think she might want to become friends with benefits. Tell me what u think, I appreciate!
hey theres this girl and i was at her house and she dosent seem interested in me but she looks at me alot and i was with her yesterday and she liked getting close to me and i dont know what to do should i make the move or just leave it be cause im nervouse on what they will say if they reject me
theres this girl i like alot and she said she likes me, shes had personal problems in the past just like me. she is 7 yrs younger then me. age doesnt really concern me. ive taken out for a meal already and didnt kiss her as didnt pick up on any signs. we txt everyday and im trying to take her out again but seems to be difficult. she texts me really flirty stuff and never holds up to it. how should i approach this. i havent spoken to her about this as i have this awesome ability to think one thing and say another so i thought i may put my foot in it
@bizzle – The reason for her behavior may be related to your age difference. If you are both mature adults in your twenties or thirties then her behavior means something entirely different than if you are in your twenties and she is in her teens. If she is just a teen, then her flirty behavior and not holding up to it are the actions of an immature kid. If this is the case you should move on.
Hi, this may sound stupid but i have been going out with an amazing girl for nearly 3 months now and i have kissed her on the lips, but only for a split second when i leave her house after snuggling on her bed with a film or something. We can talk about kissing and even more than that easily, but i am too shy to actually kiss her properly, even though i know she wants to because she has told me she does. I am just very self concious about my looks and i always feel as though i have bad breath so that might be why i cant kiss her because im scared she wont like it. Sorry about the lack of information but i think this is all in my head and im just being stupid.
@Merle – I’m assuming that you already use mouthwash. Unless women in the past have complained, the bad breath issue doesn’t exist. Women are attracted to masculinity. The phrase “being a man” encapsulates masculinity. Think about this, there are plenty of well known people who are considered “manly” but don’t have great looks. A good example is the American actor Charles Bronson. Having a pretty boy face doesn’t make a person masculine. The next time you kiss, focus on the moment and on the pleasure of kissing her. This means externalizing your awareness away from yourself and onto her. Focus on the sensations you feel about the kiss. How her lips feel, her warmth, her smell, her breathing, etc.
Hi Marc, I hope you could help me with this:
I like this girl very much, She’s my classmate.. She always hang out with me and we always have a conversation. I sometimes look her in the eye when we were having a conversation and she always caught me.. She always go with me wherever I go but she just treats me as a friend… She often talks about her crush while we were talking.. Sometimes, We have an Eye-to-Eye contact with each other.. But, I know that she just treat me as a friend… My question is … How could I make her fall in love with me and How could I get her FIRST kiss ?
PLEASE HELP ME
when ive dropped off a girl mate weve said our goodbyes and she sat in the car for a good moment or two.. does that mean she wanted to kiss ?
@josh – It depends. If you had just finished going out with her and you had a good time then she may have been expecting some move on your part. The next time you’re out with her, pay closer attention to how she is interacting with you. Is she having a good time? Do you get the sense that she likes being with you? If so then the next time you drop her off you can kiss her. Don’t try it if she seems to be in a bad mood or otherwise didn’t enjoy herself.
Hi i like this girl who lives in a completely different state. i told her that i like her but i havent seen her in 3 months but i might see her again next month. what should i do
I like thc gal, ts ly i work with her and she has a boyfriend she always sms every mornin sayin stuf lyk gud mornin and each tym we t work she always luks t me , wat shld i do so tht at e end f e day wil b kissing & fonnicating.. help man
Hi Marc
I’m 14 years old and I like this girl in my class and we go to the skate park and stuff like that as a group with her and my friend and she gives me a few friendly pushes when I’m around her we talk on Facebook about stuff nothing to personnel and she’s always putting stuff on her wall about love:how it hurts…
Should I ask her out and how
Thanks
Hey. I like this girl, but I’m not sure if she likes me back. We were at a party together, watching a movie, and she called me over to sit with her. A little later during the movie, she put her legs on top of mine. I’m not sure if she wanted to cuddle, hug, kiss, or what, but three quarters of the way through thr movie, she left to sit with her friend. Did I leave it to long? Should I have done something? She looked at me a couple times during the movie, and we had a little convo when it was paused.
@Christian – Should you have done something? Yes. She was certainly expressing an interest. You should have been conversing and/or joking around with her. Depending on her mood (which only you could have read at the time) she may even have been interested in some cuddling or more. You have to learn to read them but more importantly, you have to be more bold with women when they make an overture. It took her some boldness to do what she did and you should have reciprocated in kind.
Thanks, Marc. Do you have any tips for telling when they might one this a little easier? Like, is there a certain way they look, a certain expression on their face?
@Christian – Hi. The signs are covered in this post. They are the last six points. She doesn’t have to be doing all them. It is much easier to do this when you are going out with her on a “date”. Once you ask her out and she accepts and if the date goes well (she enjoys herself and your company) then there will likely be an expectation of a kiss at some point on her part. At the very least she won’t be shocked that a guy on a date with her wants to kiss her. That’s the beauty of the “date”. It is clear to her that you have an interest in her because you asked her out. Certain expectations are set up because it is a date. This makes it easier for the guy to figure out things out. All he has to worry about is that the date goes well and that she is enjoying herself. That much should be obvious. If she having a bad time or is bored, it will be obvious. When you make your move depends on circumstances but there is always the very end of the date when you are about to leave. If she is shy or inexperienced then she may not display the signs outlined in this post and it will take longer before she is ready. Sometimes it’s done on the first date and sometimes the second.
I understand your writing here Marc, thanks. I do seek some further advice from you though. I am a junior in highschool and just met this girl about a month ago. We slowly began talking and have become closer. We actually work together and after we get off we just go out to one of our cars and talk. She told me that there was a guy she has been talking to for a few years but that he lives across the country. She says that they each do there own thing and that they actually dont talk very much anymore. Well since these afterwork talks have occurred i have tried to make it obvious that i am interested in her and it seems that she is interested in me also. But the other day she posts on facebook that she still loves this other guy and it sort of throws me off a bit. I then just Brush it off as we continue hanging out after work. I finally asked her on a date and she said maybe with a smile. She always leans in for a hug at the end of our talks and i guess im just confused on why she didnt say yes to a date proposal? Should i try kissing her? Im lost as to whether to continue pursuing this girl
@Ty – She is acting this way because getting in and out of relationships is never a clean cut process. Even if she leaves this guy for good she will always have feelings of some sort for him. People get in and out of relationships like this everyday leaving their emotional lives a tangled mess. This is something you will just have to get used to. Put yourself in the other guy’s shoes where this girl that you are in a long distance relationship with is hanging out with this guy (you) and is on the verge of going out with him. Even though she’s professing her love for you on facebook you would probably be deeply troubled about the state of your relationship.
You have the home court advantage and you may as well take advantage of it. Keep up what you’ve been doing so far because it seems to be working. Whether or not you should kiss depends. A kiss is an act of intimacy and if the circumstances become intimate, then go ahead. Otherwise you shouldn’t.
Umm… If the girl is constantly applying lip balm, does that mean they want to be kissed, or are they just trying to keep their lips moist, or both? Or what?
@Christian – That’s not a direct signal. She may be self conscious about dry lips. It’s not enough to go on.
Hey Marc. There is this cute little chinese girl at my university and I am her only friend that will give her the time of day and she only seems comfortable around me. I have been online and I know that if a girl smiles at you and laughs at most things you say she is definitely interested but she is so shy. I am the opposite (not to be cocky lol), I am a confident guy but totally clueless in the ladies department. I have never had a girlfriend and I am a 20 year old who is single and miserable. I want to have my first kiss more than anything else in the world but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to make the first move because I don’t want to seem desperate and scare her away. Can you help me out?
@adam – You will have to be patient. She needs plenty of time to become comfortable with you and the budding relationship. She’ll likely be more of a listener than a talker so you’ll be doing a lot of the talking. When she does speak, listen very carefully and learn about her interests and the subjects she’s most comfortable with. By talking about these, you’ll be better able to get her to open up. Forcefulness will not work with her but will most likely push her away. She’s likely to be a very sensitive person, so don’t do any teasing because she may take it the wrong way. The key is doing things that make her comfortable. Never criticize her or joke at her expense. This seems obvious, but as you get more comfortable with her, you’ll let your guard down and mistakes can happen. She may not be comfortable in some social situations so you will have to be sensitive to this. You may also want to avoid introducing her to too many of your friends at the same time, being gradual about things is key. When going out with her, when the time feels right, you can hold her hand. Again, everything has to be gradual. Over time, you’ll get a sense of her becoming more comfortable with you because she will speak up more and will be less nervous. When the time and situation seems right, you may want to ask her for a kiss. I know this is contrary to my blog post, but this is a different kind of situation.
marc me and my gf have been together a month and i get so nervous and punk out kissing her. she dose the collar thing and she lay her head on my shoulder nd looks in my eyes and rubs my hand dose she want a kiss?
Hi, The 12th final exams are going to start. I love my coaching class mate. I really love her. When I noticed a couple of times that she was looking at me, I thought she likes me. But the problem is that I am and was too shy to talk to her. One day, I lost my patience and directly said that I love her. First time she winked her eyes and said pardon so i said again that I love you. She said she already had a boyfriend. She said this because she wanted to concentrate on her studies ( I think ) And probably that was her excuse because she did not have a boyfriend. Now what to do, coz I really love her so much. Please help. Thanks
Hi Marc, I want to start off by saying I think it’s great that you help men with these sorts of things. With that being said, I am 16 and in high school, and I really like this one girl who I met in one of my classes. We laughed a lot and had a real fun time every day in that class, and I could easily tell that she was very comfortable talking to me, and I sensed a sort of attraction. (I had class every day with her from October to January) To make a long story short, I was at a school talent show a little bit ago, and as I was sitting there with one of my buddies sometime into the show, I saw her come over and sit in a seat next to me, but with one seat empty, so she was sitting two seats from me. I said hey, you look great, yada yada yada, and periodically we chatted through the performances. I neglected to move over to sit right next to her until nearly the end of the show, which I feel was a big mistake, and when I did sit next to her, I got this real feeling of attraction a “positive vibe,” if you will. All I am asking is what should I have done, and do you think it was a mistake for me to not move over next to her? Please reply and I’d love to hear your thoughts Marc. Thanks
@Rob – I wouldn’t worry about that. It’s in the past and kind of minor. Just keep moving forward. Subtle things like taking a seat next to a girl does communicate to her her “specialness” to you. So next time you’ll know to sit down next to her.
Hi Trey
I am sure, kiss her in such a gentle way…:)
Hi John
Dare to love!!!
Jinwoon
Right now you’re so in the zone (You know what I mean… The friend zone). Put yourself in her place, even if she ever had any attraction towards you, she’d have thought that you just liked her as a friend and she’d have moved on. So first thing to do, go to her, be affectionate and let her know your true feelings towards her, tell her all the things you described in this question and make her believe that she deserves more and that you’d do your best trying to provide the best for her.
Good luck Jinwoon!